First and foremost children must be told they are loved by both parents and each parent must ensure they make time to spend with the children.  Children will feel a conflict of loyalty and so when they are with one parent the other must encourage them to have a good time.

During break-ups children often feel a sense of guilt, that it is somehow their fault, they caused the problems and that if they had behaved better, or in a different way, their parents would not be splitting up.  Often children hatch plans to try and get mum and dad back together.  This is why honesty is so important.  Children’s questions should be answered truthfully, which will be difficult when talking about possible divorce and whether they may have to move house or schools; but remember, telling the children what may happen in the future is better than ignoring their questions or being untruthful.

Allow the children to express their feelings, whether it is frustration, anger, sadness or blame.  Talk through these feelings and make allowances for unusual behaviour.  Although you will be having a very tough time, try to remember to put the children first.

It is important that you do not denigrate the other parent.  As difficult as it may be, remain positive about your ex-partner in front of the children.  After all, your child is a part of both you and criticising your ex-partner is indirectly criticising your child.  Make sure you don’t use your child as a go-between.  If you need to discuss or raise something with the other parent, do it yourself.

Be aware that children of different ages will require different support and if in doubt talk to a professional.  Most of all remember children require love and honesty.